Bribery Fail

Gus was potty-trained about a month ago. The operative word being WAS. Bless his heart. He went three weeks without having a single accident. Then we went to Disney World and settled in our house. We got lazy, he got lazy. Now he's back in pull-ups. We've tried all sorts of bribery. We've taken away his underpants and given him ways to earn them back (an accident free day, pooping on the potty, etc.), offered candy, toys, we've gone just shy of offering him the moon. He still has an accident once a day or every other day. The conversations we've had with him the past month have been hilarious. Most times we have to walk away so we don't laugh. Dave was talking to him after he pooped in his pull-up a few weeks ago and Gus said emphatically, "We NOT dithcuth (discuss) thith(this) Daddy!" Oh they discussed it, but nothing came out of it.

So this morning I get on Facebook and see that one of my friends bribed her son with a goldfish, a real, live goldfish. They even had a picture of a goldfish next to the toilet for him to look at. I thought that was brilliant, especially because we haven't gone down the I'll-get-you-a-pet-if-you-do-this" route with anything, ever. Dave and I talked and figured we might as well try it. The big risk is the fish dying and we can't replace it before the kids find out. At this point, it's a risk worth dealing with.

We came out to the kitchen and told Gus he had a chance to get a great prize. He was so excited. Then we told him it was a goldfish, a real one. He put both hands on the counter (he was standing on the bar stool eating breakfast, the kid only eats standing up), leaned his head down and sighed. Dave and I looked at each other, and smiled, thinking it was a happy sigh. Not so much. Gus looked at us and said, "I want a we-o (real) pet, not a goadfish. You know, wike a dog." We didn't see that one coming since the boy has a Mufasa relationship with dogs (Lion King reference: Mufasa. Ooooh scary, say it again), he loves them and is terrified of them all at the same time. We stood there, kind of speechless. We explained a goldfish IS indeed a pet and he could have one if he didn't have an accident for two weeks. He said, "I not wike dat. How 'bout a caw (car). A wightning keen (Lightning McQueen) would be good." Dave was all, "Sure, Buddy, that's fine." I piped in and asked, "You mean the one in the paper yesterday?" Gus said, "YETH!" I looked at Dave and was all, "He means the power wheels one that's $170!" Dave said, "What about a remote control car?" Gus says, "NO. I want a we-o caw or tuck (truck). A wed (red) one oh a bown (brown) one be fine. A we-o one." That kid is good. Why not ask for the big stuff. We just nodded our heads and said no. We were a bit stunned. Shocked, really, that he had all those ideas right there at the top of his head. He was questioning how much we want him potty-trained. Clearly, we must not want it enough. That kid has a tough will, to say the least.

About 15 minutes later he looks up at me and says all exacerbated, "A goadfish wike Quacky-Wacky. It NOT a we-o pet." Quacky-Wacky was on JoJos Circus. Skeebo wanted a pet, a dog to be exact, and so his parents gave him a pretend pet to see if he could handle it. Skeebo took care of Quacky-Wacky for five days and then got a dog. Somehow Gus remembers this episode and referenced it, equating a live fish to a pretend duck.

Then Gus was talking to Lucy about it. I told her that if she could convince Gus that a fish would be a good idea she could get one, too. She tried everything. Gus chimed in five minutes later and said, "I not eat goadfish. Maybe I eat goadfish. My goadfish might not taste so good." We've been eating Mahi Mahi and Tilapia lately, maybe that's where he made the correlation. Lucy looked panicked and said, "Mommy, if we get Gus a goldfish, I think he'll eat it. You CANNOT eat pets. I don't think he knows that." I didn't know what to say. So, we're back to the drawing board. In no way, did we see the goldfish prize becoming such a flop.